By Kelly Porch, Kelly Porch Therapy
Stress. It’s a word most of us hear every day—at work, in relationships, or when juggling life’s never-ending demands. But not all stress is the same. In fact, some stress can be good for us.
If you’ve ever wondered why some pressure seems to drive you forward while other stress leaves you feeling burned out or numb, you’re not alone. Understanding the difference between good stress and bad stress could help you spot warning signs earlier, and make healthier choices for your mental wellbeing.
What Is Good Stress?
Good stress—also called eustress—is the kind of pressure that helps you stay motivated, focused, and alert. Think about the feeling you get before a big job interview, giving a speech, or running a race. Your heart beats faster, your senses sharpen, and you’re more aware of your surroundings. It’s a natural part of rising to a challenge.
This kind of stress can:
- Improve performance
- Boost memory and focus
- Help build resilience
- Push you to achieve goals
In small doses, eustress can be energising. It gives you that extra gear to power through and helps you feel a sense of accomplishment afterward.
When Stress Turns Bad
Bad stress—sometimes referred to as distress—is the kind that lingers, wears you down, and affects your daily life. It can build up slowly over time or hit hard after a major life event like a breakup, job loss, or health scare.
Men often ignore or bottle up signs of chronic stress, thinking it’s just part of the grind or something to “tough out.” But ignoring it doesn’t make it go away—it just drives it deeper.
Common signs of bad stress include:
- Trouble sleeping or waking up tired
- Low energy or motivation
- Feeling irritable or angry without clear reason
- Difficulty concentrating
- Headaches, muscle tension, or frequent illness
- Using alcohol, drugs, or gambling to cope
Over time, unmanaged stress can contribute to serious mental health issues like anxiety, depression, anger and burnout. It can also take a toll on physical health, increasing the risk of heart problems and other long-term conditions.
Why Stress Feels Different for Men
In many cultures, men are often expected to “keep it together,” solve problems on their own, and avoid appearing vulnerable. This mindset can make it harder to admit when stress has gone beyond what’s manageable.
In fact, studies have shown that men under stress are more likely to withdraw or distract themselves rather than talk about what’s going on. This silence doesn’t mean the stress isn’t there—it just means it’s going unspoken, and possibly, untreated.
A 2023 study published in BMC Men's Health found that while men are less likely to seek professional help for emotional difficulties, those who do often report positive experiences with counselling and therapy—especially when it’s framed around problem-solving or performance, rather than emotional expression alone.
Spotting the Tipping Point
The key difference between good and bad stress often comes down to control and duration. Good stress is short-term and tied to a specific goal or challenge. Bad stress hangs around, often without a clear endpoint, and starts interfering with how you live, work, or connect with others.
If you’re not sure where your stress levels sit, consider:
- How long has this feeling lasted?
- Is it helping or hindering my ability to cope?
- Am I avoiding people or things I used to enjoy?
You don’t have to wait for a “crisis point” to talk to someone about stress. Just having a conversation can help put things in perspective and give you a clearer sense of what support might help.
Moving Forward—Without the Pressure
Stress will always be a part of life – it must be to protect us when we need it. But not all stress needs to be a burden.
Learning how to recognise and respond to stress—rather than suppress or ignore it—can be a turning point. Whether it’s through physical activity, talking to mates, journaling, or seeking professional support, there are ways to shift how you manage pressure.
And if you’ve been carrying bad stress for a while, it’s not a sign of weakness to reach out. It’s a sign of strength. Knowing your limits, and choosing to care for your mental health, is one of the most important steps you can take—not just for yourself, but for those around you too.
Want to Learn More?
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about what you’re experiencing, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. Talking to a qualified counsellor or mental health professional can help unpack what’s going on and explore the next steps at your own pace.
Written by Therapist Kelly Porch, Kelly Porch Therapy To find out more about Kelly Porch and the therapy and counselling services she offers click here, or the button below.
