By Bob Dixon, Counsellor, Hypno-psychotherapist and Coach in Lancaster
Like a Mountain Stream: How Small Changes Shape a Man’s Life
Imagine standing high on a mountain, watching a tiny stream begin its journey. At the very top, the water barely seems to move. It slips quietly over stones, gathers into a thin ribbon, and disappears around a bend. Here, near the source, the stream is fragile. A small rock, a fallen branch, or a gentle nudge in the earth can change its direction completely. What looks like an insignificant nudge at the top can later become the reason the river runs through one valley rather than another.
A man’s life is not so different.
Early on, our path is shaped by small moments: a word of encouragement, a criticism that cuts deep, a choice to stay silent or speak up, a habit that begins without much thought. At the time, these moments often feel trivial. You don’t see their importance because the future is distant and unclear. Like the young stream, your life seems wide open, full of possibilities, and shaped by forces outside your control.
Yet it is precisely at this early stage that change is easiest, even if you don’t realise it.
Higher up the mountain, the stream flows slowly. Its banks are soft. A slight push in one direction sends the water elsewhere with little resistance. Further down, the stream gathers pace. It cuts into rock, deepens its channel, and becomes harder to shift. By the time it reaches the valley, its course is set. To redirect it would now require major earthworks, not just a stone moved by hand.
So it is with habits, relationships, and emotional patterns.
What begins as a small way of coping — shutting down, working too much, avoiding difficult conversations, numbing with drink or distraction — can gradually become a well-worn channel. Over time, it stops feeling like a choice and starts to feel like “just the way I am.” The stream has carved its route, and now it seems impossible to imagine it flowing anywhere else.
But every stream, even far down the mountain, still responds to influence.
You're not at the bottom yet. But you're not at the summit anymore either. The earlier you notice what is happening, the easier it is to guide the flow. Awareness is the moment you pause and say, “Is this really the direction I want my life to take?” It is the act of standing beside your own stream and watching it honestly, without judgement or panic. Where is it heading? Is it feeding the fields of your life… or washing parts of you away?
Being present matters more than most men are taught to believe.
We are often encouraged to “push through,” “keep going,” or “not make a fuss.” Presence can sound like indulgence, but it is actually discipline of the highest kind. It means noticing what you feel instead of automatically burying it. It means recognising tension in your body before it turns into anger. It means paying attention not just to what you do, but why you do it.
And this is where the smallest changes can become the most powerful.
A conversation you avoid today might be the start of distance years from now. A kind word left unsaid might slowly harden into silence. On the other hand, a gentle choice — telling your partner you love them, reaching for their hand, choosing not to fight over something small — might seem almost irrelevant in the moment. But downstream, those choices matter hugely.
They are pebbles that divert water.
They are shifts in current.
They are not dramatic. They will not earn applause. But over time, they shape everything.
Waiting until life becomes unbearable is like trying to reroute a river in flood. By then, the damage may already feel done. Resentment is entrenched. Loneliness is deep. Health is strained. The landscape feels fixed and unforgiving. The stream is no longer whispering — it is roaring.
Men often come to counselling when the river has burst its banks.
They come when relationships are at breaking point, when anxiety or depression can no longer be ignored, when anger has become frightening, or when emptiness has settled in like a fog. Therapy at this stage is still helpful — but it often involves heavy work, clearing debris that has been building for years.
How much easier it would have been to move one stone at the top of the mountain.
That doesn’t mean blaming yourself for not doing so. No man sets out wanting his life to become harder or lonelier. We all move downstream with what we know at the time. But it does mean recognising the power you still have, today, in this moment, now.
The stream never stops flowing. Neither does your life.
So, take a moment and stand beside it now. Ask yourself gently: “Where am I heading?” "Is this where I want to go?" and if it isn't then ask yourself “What is one small thing I could do differently?” It might be an honest conversation. A boundary you’ve avoided. A kind act towards yourself. A reaching out instead of pulling away.
You do not need to re-engineer your entire life today.
You only need to adjust the current slightly.
Over time, the water will do the rest.
And one day, far downstream, you may look back and realise that the landscape of your life changed not because of one mighty decision… but because of one small, quiet choice made upstream.
