By Dominic Burch, Counsellor and Psychotherapist.
Retirement is a funny thing. We spend our working lives striving for it, daydreaming about the freedom of "not working anymore." For some, it comes at a set time; for others, it arrives unexpectedly.
If you’ve ever had a break from work—perhaps through ill health or circumstances beyond your control—you may already know what it’s like to suddenly lose your routine, structure, and daily social contact. For some, the old saying “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone” rings painfully true.
As Psychotherapist Dr Karen Skerrett put it “You are your job. If you aren’t checking in and running the show, who are you?” [1]
Whether we live to work or work to live, the reality is that work shapes our identity. It gives us purpose, structure, and a sense of belonging—even when we daydream about stepping away from it. Yet those who’ve spent time out of work often find themselves longing for the normality they once took for granted.
As we grow older, family life often takes centre stage. Free time shrinks as we dedicate ourselves to others, sometimes at the expense of our own interests and social circles. Then, when retirement finally arrives, it often comes without much preparation, at a point when we’re already drained and simply ready to rest.
But rest only takes us so far. Without structure, social connection, or mental stimulation, our sense of purpose can quietly erode. Brent Forester, president of the American Association for Geriatric Psychiatry, warns: “Retirement often involves significant losses — of identity, purpose, structure, and social contacts — that can trigger depression and other psychiatric illnesses.” [2]
It doesn’t have to be that way.
I’m reminded of the TV show Mortimer & Whitehouse: Gone Fishing. It’s a beautiful example of two men, Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse, who—after serious health scares—reconsider what really matters. Across the series, they find peace and purpose in fishing, friendship, and honest conversation. Bob describes the simple joy: “There comes a moment when you realise that you’ve said nothing for an hour and a half… I haven’t thought about anything else. I haven’t worried about the past, or future.” [7]
It’s a reminder that finding purpose doesn’t always require grand gestures—it can be as simple as having something to look forward to.
Many men discover meaning in new ways:
• Taking on part-time work.
• Volunteering in the community.
• Spending more time with grandchildren or family.
• Getting involved in local projects—whether building, mentoring, or supporting charities, schools, or sports clubs.
• Joining social activities like golf, fishing, or walking—combining exercise, social contact, and mental engagement.
Marianne Oehser, a retirement coach, says: “People who say they have a sense of purpose live at least seven years longer than those who do not.” [3]
One helpful strategy is to keep some of your old routines. Getting up and going to bed at regular times, staying socially active, and keeping your brain engaged can provide much-needed structure and help you enjoy this new phase of life.
As Fred Rogers wisely said: “Often when you are at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” [4]
Perhaps retirement isn’t about stopping—it’s about shifting. Shifting your focus, your pace, and your priorities. You can retire from your job—but you don’t have to retire from purpose.
As Carl Jung put it: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” [6]
Written by Dominic Burch, Counsellor and Psychotherapist. To find out more about Therapist Dominic Burch and the services he offers click here, or the button below.
