By Dominic Burch, Counsellor & Psychotherapist.
In my experience, there has always been a man in the therapy room: me. I first encountered counselling as a teenager dealing with grief, and over the years, I’ve returned through various life challenges—including during my training as a therapist. These experiences have deepened my appreciation for therapy’s value.
How Do I Find the Right Therapist?
As a male client, I assumed I’d be more comfortable speaking to a female therapist. Surprisingly, it was a male therapist who left the most lasting impression. That “click” is vital—it’s not always about gender, but timing, voice, or therapy style. Feeling safe and understood is key to getting the most out of therapy.
Why Don’t Men Talk About Their Mental Health?
In the UK, there has long been a culture of "boys don't cry" and "men don’t talk about their problems." These attitudes have encouraged many men to bottle things up. While this emotional containment might help build resilience in some situations, it can also act like a pressure valve—eventually, it bursts.
Stigma is slowly easing thanks to public discourse and awareness campaigns. When I first stepped onto a male acute mental health ward in 2003, fear, embarrassment, and silence were palpable. Vulnerability was seen as weakness. Many men suppressed their emotions until they could no longer be ignored.
- Only 36% of referrals to NHS talking therapies are for men, despite similar levels of need between genders [1].
- 40% of men have never spoken to anyone about their mental health. Of those, 29% cited embarrassment and 20% cited stigma [2].
- Men are also twice as likely to experience poor mental health at work, with one in three blaming their job [3].
Chris Kamara once said, "I kept it from my wife and family. I thought I could fix it myself. I now realise how important support and therapy were to my recovery."
Breaking the Silence
I ran men's health groups to encourage open dialogue. These had varying degrees of success, but a common thread emerged: when men were given the space, they slowly began to talk. I noticed generational differences—older men, who hadn’t grown up discussing emotions, often opened up more deeply when given the chance. Younger men, having had more societal permission to express themselves, seemed more ready.
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson has spoken openly about his mental health: "I found that, with depression, one of the most important things you could realise is that you're not alone."
Gender and Emotional Expression: Caves and Elastic Bands
While I don't believe in rigid gender stereotypes, I’ve found some ideas from "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" insightful—particularly the "cave" and "elastic band" concepts. The "cave" refers to men retreating to process emotions privately. The "elastic band" suggests that with space, they return to connection recharged.
Everyone needs space sometimes—not just men. But recognising and respecting these rhythms in ourselves and others can strengthen emotional connection and understanding.
Are Men Opening Up About Mental Health?
Traditionally, men were seen as strong, silent providers. Pop culture reflects this—take Gerald from "The Full Monty," who couldn't tell his wife he’d been made redundant. These expectations are gradually changing.
More men now feel comfortable seeking mental health support and prioritising wellbeing. What was once labelled "metrosexual"—men grooming, exercising, and eating well—is now normal. But self-care brings new pressures too: Am I doing enough? What should I eat? How should I look? These questions can cause anxiety.
Ryan Reynolds has shared, "I tend to get pretty depressed and I have some issues with anxiety and things like that. I’ve been to therapy."
What Happens When Men Avoid Therapy?
When men avoid seeking mental health support, the consequences can be significant. Bottled-up emotions can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, substance misuse, or even suicidal thoughts. Therapy avoidance doesn’t eliminate these feelings—it often amplifies them.
Untreated mental health struggles can strain relationships, hurt job performance, and affect physical health. Repressed emotions may surface as anger, withdrawal, or hopelessness.
As Michael Phelps said, "It's OK to not be OK. It's OK to talk about it."
Research shows that therapy access is associated with reduced workplace absenteeism and improved productivity [4].
Loose Men and the Rise of Male Openness
Recently, I saw a male takeover episode of "Loose Women"—called "Loose Men." It was heartening to see open, public conversations about men’s emotional expression. Men looking after themselves is one thing; men talking about their inner world is the next step.
Therapy is essential on that journey, but it must be embraced sincerely—not just in crisis or after an argument.
Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, has emphasised the importance of therapy: "I’ve done therapy, more than a few times, because it’s important to talk."
Helpful resource: CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) - offers support for men struggling with mental health or suicidal thoughts.
Observations as a Therapist
I’m pleased to share that about half of my clients are men. I don’t prefer working with one gender over another—it’s the person that matters. But it does bring me joy to see men seeking help, wanting to grow, cope, and feel better. Men can talk. Men do feel. And when given the chance, they will open up.
Why Should Men Try Therapy?
When men engage in therapy, the benefits extend beyond the individual. Therapy offers a structured space to express emotions without judgment, helping reduce isolation, stress, and frustration.
It builds self-awareness, allowing men to explore behavioural patterns, understand emotional roots, and develop healthier coping strategies. Many report improved communication, emotional regulation, sleep, and clarity.
Therapy is also linked to improved physical health—lower blood pressure, reduced cortisol, and stronger immunity. Most importantly, it helps men challenge outdated stereotypes and live more authentically.
“Seeking help isn’t giving up. It’s refusing to give up.” — Charlie Mackesy
Final Thoughts
We are moving in the right direction. Talking isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength. Therapy is a space to process, heal, and grow. If you’re a man considering therapy, know this: there is space for you, and your voice matters.
Whether it’s a GP’s office, a support group, or a therapy room—when men talk, powerful things happen.
If you're searching for support in "men’s mental health in the UK" or wondering whether "therapy for men" or "male mental health support" is right for you, feel free to reach out or explore the resources section at Men's Counselling Service. Your wellbeing is worth prioritising.
Interested in speaking with a therapist?
This article was written by Dominic Burch, to find out more about Counsellor and Psychotherapist Dominic Burch and the services he offers click here, visit his website counsellingwithdominic.co.uk or the button below.
