By Dominic Burch, Counsellor & Psychotherapist.
Breaking the Silence Around Stress
Stress doesn't always look like panic attacks or breakdowns—especially in men. Often it looks like silence, irritability, tiredness, or simply "just getting on with it." Many men feel pressure to appear strong and unaffected, even when stress is quietly building. In this piece, we explore how stress shows up, what causes it, and—most importantly—how to manage it in ways that support your mental health and overall wellbeing.
Is All Stress Bad?
Not necessarily. Imagine standing backstage, ready to perform. That rush you feel—your heart pounding, palms sweaty—isn’t just anxiety; it’s your body gearing up. In the right amounts, stress can sharpen focus and performance, particularly when we’re doing something we care about.
Stress becomes harmful when it’s persistent, overwhelming, or goes unacknowledged. Recognising what kind of stress we’re under—and how we personally react—is the first step in standing up to it.
Recognising the Build-Up
Stress builds from many sources: work, family, finances, health, politics, housing, and relationships. I like the following analogy for stress. Imagine an open container left outside, slowing filling up with rain. Each rain drop represents a different 'stressor', but still falls into the same container of stress.
Life’s stressors accumulate and without healthy coping strategies, that container can overflow. Now imagine a tap at the base of the container, every now and again you choose to empty the container, releasing the stress. This is an example of a healthy coping skill, a proactive approach to acknowledging and dealing with stress, preventing the build up, and stopping the overflow.
How Stress Manifests
Stress doesn’t always announce itself with a dramatic breakdown—it often creeps in quietly. Understanding the signs, especially the subtle ones, can help men intervene earlier and build healthier coping strategies.
Here are some of the physical symptoms of stress:
Headaches: Often tension-related and linked to muscle strain.
Muscle Tension or Aches: Common in shoulders, back, or jaw.
Teeth Grinding: Especially during sleep, can lead to pain and sleep issues.
Fatigue: Persistent tiredness despite rest.
Shortness of Breath: Often linked to shallow, stress-related breathing.
Here are some of the emotional and behavioural signs of stress:
Irritability and Anger: May surface instead of sadness or anxiety.
Withdrawal: Avoidance of social contact or usual activities.
Feeling Overwhelmed: Simple tasks may feel unmanageable.
Sleep Disturbances: Trouble sleeping or poor sleep quality.
What Causes Stress in Men?
Men face a range of stressors, often compounded by cultural norms that discourage emotional openness. These pressures can make it difficult to express or even acknowledge distress. Here are some of the potential causes of stress:
Work Pressures: Career goals, job insecurity, and overwork contribute to chronic stress. Many men tie self-worth to job performance, making setbacks feel personal.
Financial Insecurity: Worries about providing for oneself or a family can lead to anxiety, especially when men feel they must silently carry this burden.
Relationship Challenges: Struggles with communication, emotional expression, or conflict resolution can increase stress, particularly in relationships where men feel they must remain strong.
Physical Health Concerns: Ignoring symptoms or delaying checkups is common, but declining health can damage self-esteem and daily functioning.
Family Expectations: Being a provider, caregiver, or role model can feel overwhelming without support or recognition.
Political and Societal Pressures: News cycles, economic instability, and global crises contribute to a background hum of anxiety.
Housing Insecurity: A growing concern for many, especially for those who feel that stable housing is tied to personal or familial success.
What Reduces Stress in Men?
We've looked at some of the signs of stress, and some of the causes of stress in men. But you might be thinking what can you do to reduce stress?
Benefits of Exercise on Stress and Mental Health
The literature is fairly supportive of the positive impact exercise has on the mind. Physical activity is one of the most effective stress relievers. Beyond fitness, it boosts mood, improves sleep, and reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety. For example, a 2018 study in The Lancet Psychiatry found that those who exercised had 43% fewer poor mental health days each month than those who didn’t. You read that correctly, 43%!
The NHS recommends 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity weekly for better mental and physical health. Programmes like Parkrun, Walking Football, and Couch to 5K offer structure, community, and a gentle return to routine.
“Exercise isn't just about body strength; it's about mental resilience too.” — NHS Live Well campaign
Mindfulness and Focus (Redefined)
Mindfulness doesn’t need to mean sitting in silence. It’s about being fully engaged in the present moment. Watching a live rugby match, for example, can be a form of mindfulness—two 40-minute halves of total focus and immersion in the moment. This kind of mental engagement helps switch off external worries, allowing the mind to reset. What can you schedule into your routine to bring you into the present moment more often?
Talking (and Why It Might Feel Harder for Men to Talk)
Despite growing awareness, stigma remains a major barrier. According to a 2023 Priory Group survey: 40% of men in the UK have never spoken to anyone about their mental health. 1 in 3 men say they feel uncomfortable seeking help due to embarrassment. Three-quarters of suicides in the UK are by men, making it the leading cause of death in men under 50. (Source: Mental Health Foundation)
It’s time to redefine strength—to include openness, vulnerability, and asking for help.
Getting Practical: 5 Ways to Stand Up to Stress
1. Establish a Routine: Prioritise sleep, exercise, and regular meals.
2. Stay Connected: Talk to trusted friends, find others with shared interests, or join a men’s group.
3. Get Moving: Find physical activity you enjoy.
4. Focus your Mind: Practice mindfulness—whether through sport, walking, or quiet time.
5. Talk About It: Speaking up is a strength, not a weakness. If you don't feel like you have anyone close to speak to, consider speaking to a professional.
Final Thoughts
Strength isn’t about how much you can lift. It’s how much you can let go.” — Brian O’Driscoll
Stress is part of life—but how we respond to it makes all the difference. You’re not alone - whether you're on the pitch, in the office, or just trying to hold everything together at home, recognise your stress, name it, and manage it in a way that works for you“.
This article was written by Dominic Burch, to find out more about Counsellor and Psychotherapist Dominic Burch and the services he offers click here, visit his website counsellingwithdominic.co.uk or the button below.
