Let’s clear something up. Therapy isn’t a last resort for blokes who’ve hit rock bottom and finally
“cracked.” It’s not where you go to be told what’s wrong with you, or worse — to talk about your
feelings like some condescending self-help book. And no, you don’t need to start every session
with “I don’t usually do this.” You’re not handing in your man card at the door. Therapy isn’t
about fixing you.
So let’s just say it: therapy isn’t lying on a couch while someone strokes their beard and asks about your childhood for the 12th time.
And no, it’s not a weekly download where you rant for 50 minutes and walk out with a five-point action plan like it’s a team meeting. Whilst the dynamic is changing, however, especially for men, there are huge misunderstandings about what therapy is — and what it’s for.
What Therapy Isn’t (For Men)
It’s not a place to get “fixed” because you’re “broken.” Therapy isn’t a repair shop. You’re not a
broken washing machine being wheeled in. You’re a human being dealing with life — which,
let’s face it, is a lot. You’re not broken — you’re just ready to stop BS’ing yourself.
It’s not a space where someone tells you what to do with your life. If you’re expecting a therapist
to hand you a 12-step guide to happiness or tell you whether to quit your job, leave your
relationship, or buy a van and disappear to Cornwall — sorry, wrong room. Therapy isn’t advice.
It’s not a failure button. Coming to therapy isn’t waving the white flag. It’s not an “I give up”
moment. If anything, it’s the opposite — it’s you saying, “I’m not happy with where this is going,
and I want to do something about it.” That’s not weakness. That’s guts.
It’s not a substitute for talking to your mates, it’s something else entirely. Mates are brilliant.
They’ll take the mick, buy the next round, and tell you you’re not a total d*ck (sometimes!). But
there’s stuff you just don’t say to your mates — because you’re worried they’ll laugh, change the
subject, or just not know what to do with it. Therapy is different. It’s space to say the things that
never leave your head.
It’s not going to make you “soft.” Trust me “big boys” DO cry, and I've got the tissues. There’s
this myth that opening up makes you weak. That if you talk about what’s going on in your head, you’ll somehow lose your edge. B*llocks. Therapy isn’t about going soft — it’s about getting real. It takes a hell of a lot more strength to sit in your own discomfort than it does to pretend everything’s fine and power through.
There is often pressure on men, whether self-imposed or in their family dynamics to always
know, fix, solve and/or carry. Therapy breaks that pattern — and that can be both terrifying and
freeing.
What Therapy Is (For Men)
“So, you’ve told us what it isn’t, what actually is therapy?” I am so glad you asked, in my view
this is what I feel that space is for men.
What Therapy Actually Is. It’s space to stop performing. You don’t need to be anybody, but yourself. It's your chance to unmask, drop the guard and bravado. No need to hold it all together or play the strong one. You get to drop the act. It’s where you get to be confused, angry, numb, emotional — and not get judged for it.
Whatever you’re feeling, it’s allowed. No need to explain or apologise for being human. It’s a place where silence is allowed and even useful (and yes, that can be well awkward). Yeah, it might feel weird at first. But sometimes the stuff that matters shows up after the talking stops. You’ll learn the power of silence and space.
It isn’t about putting up fake persona’s to fit in, it’s about becoming more you. No guru nonsense. No “Insta Psychology”, No personality makeover. Just figuring out who you are under the noise. It’s where you figure out how to deal with life in a way that’s sustainable, not just survivable. You don’t need to power through everything. Therapy helps you live, not just cope.
Why Therapy Matters For Men (Especially Now)
One of the biggest misconceptions is that therapy is for people in crisis. You may feel OK in most of your life, but just feeling something’s not right, in yourself or your life. Therapy can be that place to talk about it.
You don’t need to be on the floor to ask for help. You don’t need to tick some “crisis” box to qualify for therapy. You just need to be human — and if you’re reading this, congrats, you qualify.
So if you’re a bloke sitting on the fence, wondering if therapy’s for you: it is. It’s not about becoming emotional or enlightened. It’s about getting real — with yourself, and with the stuff you’ve been dragging behind you for years. Come in angry. Come in confused. Come in silent. Just come in as you are. That’s where the work starts.
At Call Me Al Counselling, my approach is very much no cardigan, no jargon. I am human
first, I've had a life. I’ve done the drunk and debauchery, I've done the rugby tours and done more jobs than hot dinners (trust me that's a lot). My aim is to provide a space for men to come in unfiltered and not feeling patronised or feeling “less”. It just might be the most courageous thing you ever do.
Written by Alexis Hills, to find out more about Alexis and the services he offers click here, or the button below.