“There are as many real worlds as there are people” - Carl Rogers.
It is estimated that 1 in 20 men are diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and the actual number of men who have the condition may be greater.
The Trouble With Traditional Counselling Approaches
Traditionally there has been a medical view of one ‘normal’ or ‘healthy’ way of thinking and feeling, with all differences seen as disorders or divergence.
Neurodiversities like ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia etc, have often been seen in this light, even though research and evidence points towards them being natural differences in how human brains work.
Counselling and psychotherapy have treated things like being distracted or rapidly changing subjects during therapy as ‘avoiding’ and impulsive behaviour as ‘risk taking’. The problem is , to someone with ADHD this is just how their brain works when it processes thoughts and emotions.
Using counselling to try to change any kind of negative or harmful behaviour relies on discovering why we are actually doing it, what we are actually trying to protect ourselves from. Without an awareness of how the ADHD mind works this can never really be achieved, and without adapting how counselling works for those who have ADHD it can be difficult and frustrating for the client.
This can often put people with ADHD off seeking further help, and increase the suffering for them and those close to them.
How Neuroaffirmative Counselling Can Help ADHD
Neuroaffirmative counselling works with how your mind works, viewing ADHD as a different way of processing thought and emotion.
This approach shifts the emphasis away from the idea that someone with ADHD has something ‘wrong’ with them. More often than not the most difficult issues that men with ADHD face come from not feeling able to fit easily into the normal or expected ways of acting, feeling and thinking.
Working With Negative Beliefs
One of the most common issues reported by men with ADHD is the shame and guilt they feel about their needs and impulses, often due to negative feedback and judgement they received as a child. We have all been told to sit still, not speak out of turn and pay attention in school, but when we simply can’t, and even worse can’t explain why, we receive a high level of criticism and judgement.
We may learn to mask what is going on inside and act ‘normal’ just to avoid the painful and upsetting feelings of shame and guilt that arise from displaying our impulsiveness, our excitement or our inability to engage or motivate ourselves.
We may become convinced that we are lazy and uncaring, disruptive and ‘too much’.
We may believe that we do not deserve to have good relationships, or that we are too destructive to build anything lasting in our lives.
We may even feel we lack an important drive or strength to succeed where others do.
All of these negative feelings about ourselves can have a big affect on how we view ourselves.
They can lead to feeling isolated and shut off from others, and unable to work out how to change that.
Accepting ADHD
We all deserve to feel understood, accepted and connected to the world around us.
I work with men with ADHD who have these beliefs about themselves, and know the challenge of overcoming them is difficult to do alone.
Neuroaffirming counselling aims to create the environment and conditions between counsellor and client where these beliefs can be safely a challenged, overcome and healed from.
ADHD is Not The Problem
Everything starts with the idea that ADHD is not a problem in itself. By exploring how our minds actually work, and identifying how to meet our needs in a positive and constructive way we can work on the relationships and quality of life we deserve.
Growing Support For ADHD
There is a real growth in understanding and support for neuro diversity these days. There are many ADHD groups and communities online or in local communities. Finding others that share our challenges or can empathise with our experiences or perspective on the world can have a very positive effect on our mental health.
There is a lot of advice out there for how to manage ADHD symptoms, how to find motivation for tasks, cope with disorganisation and become more productive.
There is also a lot of support for how to manage overwhelm, allow for distractions and balance individual needs with those of family and dependants.
The most important thing is to find the ways that work for you, and how best to integrate them into your life. You are the real expert on how you think and feel.
I encourage you to explore neuroaffirming counselling if you have or feel you have ADHD and/or other neurodiversities.
