Interview by Men’s Counselling Service with Tim Pike, Counsellor and Psychotherapist in Brighton. 

Tim Pike is a BACP-accredited counsellor and psychotherapist in Brighton, seeing men in person and by Zoom. He is also an accredited supervisor.

Meet the Counsellor is our new monthly series of written interviews with therapists from our directory of counselling for men. We asked Tim, our first guest, how he came to the work and what he sees when men finally sit down in front of him. 

How did you come into counselling, and what were you doing before?

I came to counselling through non-stop encouragement during my teenage years from a friend’s mum, who was a therapist herself. She’d known me all my life. She noticed the way I made observations and links from past to present, as well as my fascination with how people operate and function.

Before practising as a therapist, I worked in probation alongside men with criminal convictions. The various roles included therapy groups as well as one-to-one work. The focus was on change and reform. It was complex, challenging, rewarding work that gave me enormous experience for my own private practice and specialism with men.

Deep down, I guess one important aspect that drew me to therapy and working with men was having three much older brothers. All three were tearaways in their time.

How would you describe the way you work now?

It’s straightforward. I work through conversation. Building trust. Chatting about the issue at hand, or seeming tangents that so often turn out to be relevant and useful. All the time I’m looking for hidden emotions and deeper meanings behind the surface chat.

I look for any wonky thinking; thoughts that don’t match reality. A pattern of catastrophising maybe. Self-rubbishing perhaps. I speak frankly but kindly about my observations and listen to how they are received. Week by week, progress can be made. Shifts and breakthroughs can appear.

Many men wait months, or longer, before booking. What finally tips them into reaching out?

I find what often tips men into starting therapy is persistent encouragement from a partner, coupled with repeated unwanted behaviours, after a realisation that things are not improving, and that it’s being noticed and not tolerated.

And once they’ve started, what keeps them coming back week after week?

I sometimes see hesitancy and scepticism in the first session. I also see this melt away as connection and understanding are experienced. Where the relevance, meaning and usefulness of therapy are felt and wanted.

Men often tell us their problems aren’t serious enough for counselling. Do you hear that too?

I do regularly hear the idea that others’ problems are more pressing and that theirs are not serious enough for therapy. I point out that this logic means only the one with the most serious problems is allowed to access therapy.

I’m here to support, and I trust that if someone has made the effort to sit in front of me, then their issues are important. I also believe that everyone could benefit from therapy. It is not only for those in crisis. It has the capacity to lift life to more effective ways of living, regardless of the urgency or seriousness of the matter at hand. Most of the men I see come with a crisis and stay on once they experience the benefit.

I stress the difference between need and benefit. That is, I believe we’d all benefit from therapy, while fewer of us need it. That ‘need’ approach can make it seem as if therapy is only for urgent, serious matters. Therapy can benefit anyone, and it offers hope when we’re most in need too.

What keeps you passionate about the work?

I thrive on witnessing positive change and progress. New, deeper understandings about how we function can reform our relationship with ourselves and those close to us. Realising accurately how much influence we do have over our emotions and thoughts, and therefore our behaviours, can bring about a new sense of direction, purpose and uplift in mood. A deeper contentment with life.

What would you say to a man who’s curious about counselling but still not sure it’s for him?

I’d encourage a man to try a one-off session. Not to wait till he knows he’s at last found the right therapist and is ready to make a lasting commitment. Just experience a one-off session. Go away and assess the benefit. Maybe do the same with two or three separate therapists.

Don’t give up. The right therapist is out there. Benefit from a single session before any possible longer-term work. Know you can stop at any point. Like anything, the more you invest, the more you are likely to get out.

You can contact Tim through his profile. His website is available here. 

To find a men’s therapist near you via our directory, click the Find Counselling For Men button below.

Related Articles:

Is My Problem Serious Enough For Therapy? (5 minute read)
Therapy Isn’t Just for a Crisis: Why Talking Can Keep You Mentally Fit (5 minute read)
Common Misconceptions About Counselling for Men (5 minute read)

Disclaimer: 

This article is for information only and reflects the thoughts of the writer. It's not medical or mental health advice. Seek professional help for your needs. Men's Counselling Service LTD is not a crisis service. For emergencies, call your local services or the Samaritans at 116 123.

Next Steps: 

To find a men's therapist near you via our directory, click the Find Counselling For Men button below.