By Dr. Paula Watson, Exercise Psychologist
Another new year. Another bombardment of “new year, new you” and “how to stick to new year’s resolutions” messages.
But what if the problem isn’t that you need a new you, but that your strong and capable true self has been hiding all these years behind a protective layer of fat, banter and joviality.
You’ve probably lived like this for so long that it feels normal. You write off the jokes, the teasing, the bullying as “male banter”. But deep down, it hurts, although you’d never admit that to your mates.
You’re Not Alone
The most recent Health Survey for England (2022) showed 67% of men are overweight or obese (compared with 61% of women). That means that two in every three men have a weight that isn’t classed as healthy for their height. While there are some issues with using only weight for this measurement, as it doesn’t account for muscle, this statistic suggests if you have a weight problem and you’re a man you’re not alone.
Equally worrying from a mental health perspective is that more than one in three adults report feeling either anxious or depressed because of their body image (Mental Health Foundation, 2019).
And body dissatisfaction isn’t a concern that’s limited to women. The men who walk into my therapy room are just as likely to feel self-conscious, just as likely to feel judged, and just as likely to feel unworthy because of what they look like on the outside.
I see men who have been silently struggling for years. Some have always been the “fat boy” in their group and have lost a sense of who they really are. Many can’t control their binge eating and don’t know how to stop. Others may have started to lose some weight, but exercise and healthy eating have become an obsession. At the root of this is the fact that they’re often not happy with the person they are and want to be a better man.
This time of year is particularly challenging if you struggle with your weight. For many of us, Christmas becomes an excuse for excess eating, drinking and lying on the couch. Come January, we’re riddled with guilt and shame. The only answer is either to give up trying altogether or to punish ourselves by cutting out anything enjoyable, hammering it at the gym, and starving ourselves to get rid of the Christmas pounds.
Perhaps if you’re reading this, it’s because you’ve decided this is the year for change. You know there’s another way, you just don’t know how to get there.
This is okay. You’ve done the hardest part in opening up this article.
The Problems With Weight Management Programmes
You’ve maybe thought about getting help before. Perhaps you’ve even tried a programme like Slimming World, Weight Watchers or your local NHS offering.
Problem number one was potentially obvious to you when you walked into the room – the majority of people accessing these programmes are women. This can make it tough for men to seek support, as you feel like you stand out, the content might not feel relevant and you might not feel you have much in common with other group members.
Problem number two affects everyone. While these programmes may help in the short term, they fail to address the underlying psychology that leads people to overeat. They also fail to address the reasons people are avoiding exercise, feel crippled with social anxiety or hate their bodies. Ignoring these issues is like putting a plaster on a deep wound.
When programmes don’t address this psychology, people often regain the weight they’ve lost (and often more) and they’re left feeling a failure. In reality it is the programme that has failed them.
One excellent men-only weight-loss programme, ManvFat football, has addressed some of these concerns by setting up a football league specifically for men who want to lose weight. For a monthly fee, the programme provides weight loss support, online exercise classes, webinars, recipes and coaching and with multiple locations has already made a huge difference to many men's lives.
How Weight-Loss Therapy Can Help
If, however, football isn’t for you or 1-to-1 support feels more inviting, you might benefit from weight-loss therapy. I’ll forgive you if you’ve never heard of weight-loss therapy – most people haven’t. It’s fairly new and there are only a handful of us in the UK doing the type of work I do.
Weight-loss therapy involves individual psychology sessions aimed at helping you change your lifestyle, shed the pounds and importantly, (re) discover the true, happier you. In this 15-minute video I explain what weight-loss therapy involves, who it’s for and what you can expect to get out of it.
In weight-loss therapy, I help men explore their thoughts, feelings and behaviours around exercise, food and their bodies. Having a non-judgemental space with a professional who “gets” you – sometimes for the first time in your life – can be very freeing. You’ll start to see your confidence grow and your ability to achieve changes you never thought possible.
My clients are often amazed that they can finally have a packet of chocolate biscuits in the cupboard without devouring the lot. They no longer avoid activities because of their weight, and they no longer think about food 24-7.
There's No Time Like Now
People often tell me they feel ashamed to seek support about their weight – I think this is especially the case for men, where weight and mental health aren’t often talked about. It’s something men feel they should have a handle on, should be able to do themselves, and fear being seen as weak if they show they’re struggling.
This isn’t what I see. I see how challenging weight-loss is to achieve on your own. I see what great strength it takes to seek support. And I see how life-changing it can be when you dare to take that first step.
Are you ready to say goodbye to the fat boy banter and take control of your life? There’s no better time for a fresh start.
You can visit my YouTube channel here, and my website here.
