By Ben Jefferson MBACP, Counsellor | Men's Counselling Service Co-Founder

During this year’s Men’s Health Week, we decided to survey our counsellors about men’s mental health in the UK. Our goal at Men’s Counselling Service is to empower men to find the right support as easily as possible, and a big part of this is listening to what our counsellors have to say about what brings men into the room, as well as what keeps them out. 

Rather than keeping this to ourselves, we've taken three of the findings that feel most relevant, and looked at what each could mean for how the sector designs counselling for men. It's a small sample, but a highly relevant one, and the patterns held emerge clearly enough to be worth exploring.

The findings do not look at the experiences of any specific man. Rather, they are aggregated trends and patterns of behaviour seen across many men over time. Therefore, all of the findings are totally anonymous. 

What stops men from seeking support? 

We started by asking our counsellors what they frequently see holding men back from reaching out for support. A total of 85% of counsellors said a man believing he should be able to handle his problems on his own is a key barrier, which will undoubtedly resonate with many practitioners. We’ve written about this before, and if you’re interested in reading more, we have a dedicated article about it here. 

This suggests that one of the barriers to men seeking help is learned self-reliance, rather than a lack of information or concerns about practicalities. One of the sector’s observable responses to male barriers to access can be to double down on explaining therapy better. However, it’s perhaps questionable whether this explanation would move a man whose primary obstacle is a belief that needing help in the first place is a failure. 

How can mental health services adapt to reach more male clients? Men's Counselling Service believes that counselling can be framed slightly differently, that therapy is not just reactive but preventative. Furthermore, pathways to therapy should be positioned as a place where self-reliance is reinforced, through a clear and targeted pathway.

Some men, who see seeking support as a contradiction to self-reliance may be more receptive to having the next steps outlined clearly, as well as how easy each one is to take. Removing resistance at every step is something Men’s Counselling Service believes is important, and we make the process of reaching out as easy as possible while not taking choice away. 

How long do men wait before getting help? 

According to the results, a third (34%) of counsellors say it usually takes a man between a month and a year to go from recognising they have a problem to booking a first session. A further one-in-seven (15%) say that it usually takes more than a year, and another third (34%) say that it varies too much to say. We’ve written about this before, too. 

A key insight for us is that there's no uniform delay in reaching out observable in men at a meta level that services can be built around. However, it is fairly clear that a lot of men wait some time between noticing something is off and booking a counselling session, which is generally before a man is anywhere near a directory or a search result. The period that seems to matter most is the months between noticing and acting, which is where the sector frequently has less presence and the least evidence about what actually helps.

The practical implication of this is that services built only to receive men at the point of decision are arriving late. If most of the wait happens before a man is searching, then we could argue that being present as early as possible matters just as much as at the point of contact. This means being present in the places men are while deciding, rather than solely where they look when they have made the decision to find a counsellor. This period is of course harder to serve, because it is slow and difficult to measure. 

Do men think their problems are serious enough? 

An interesting finding that emerged from the survey is that men can view their problems as not serious enough to warrant counselling, with 85% of counsellors saying they regularly see this. This reinforces the view that men can see therapy as something of a last resort, or as something reserved for crisis situations. 

We believe that a lot of men’s mental health messaging can come across as crisis-coded, and built our platform around encouraging men to reach out before it’s too late. However, if the barrier for most men is a pre-existing belief that things aren’t bad enough to qualify, this type of messaging might be reinforcing the threshold that it is trying to lower. It's vitally important to see campaigns encouraging men to reach out for support, but we hope to see more tailored messaging around seeking support earlier when 'signs and symptoms' arise. 

The practical move could be to widen the picture of who counselling is for. This doesn’t mean suggesting that everyone needs or must go to counselling, but we are curious to know if tailoring campaigns around specific-but-common reasons for accessing therapy would move the needle further in the right direction. A man is perhaps more likely to see himself in a story about a recurring argument in his personal life, or a few months of feeling flat, than he is in one about a breakdown. 

Our view is that support positioned as something worth using while a problem is still manageable will resonate with a wider range of men who would nominally be interested in support than a crisis-coded approach.

How we’re using this 

This thinking is central to what we’re building at Men’s Counselling Service. Our directory allows men to browse and engage with counsellors without signing up, and gives them access to small, easy-to-take first steps. 

The pathway at Men’s Counselling Service has been designed around breaking down the barriers men face in seeking support, and we are constantly refining our service with this goal in mind. Thousands of men have used our service in less than 12 months, showing there is a clear need for a private, professional, and tailored support.

You can read more about us, our story and our objectives here. 

Related Articles:

Men: Are You Secretly a People-Pleaser? (4 minute read)

The Challenge of Relationships (4 minute read)

Stuck in a Repetitive Conflict in Your Relationship? Here's How to Move Forward (5 minute read) 

Disclaimer: 

This article is for information only and reflects the thoughts of the writer. It's not medical or mental health advice. Seek professional help for your needs. Men's Counselling Service LTD is not a crisis service. For emergencies, call your local services or the Samaritans at 116 123.

Next Steps: 

To find a men's therapist near you via our directory, click the Find Counselling For Men button below.